I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
