Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
