You can't special order awesome
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
