just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
accomplished twins. life is a go
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
