I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
