You're so nebulous sometimes
how can u be prego again
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
