he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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