i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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