u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
