i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
