Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
