i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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