No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
