True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
