What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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