the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
