their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
