never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
