addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
