she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
