umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I had to cum in my sink.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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