we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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