and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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