she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I love having hate sex.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
