A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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