Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
