My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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