i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
