Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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