If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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