I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
