those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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