So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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