That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
