I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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