That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
