Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
whose parrot is this?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize