I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
