I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
