I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
