my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
