I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
