there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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