Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
