Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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