ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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