There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
