im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
