You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
