I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
