but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
