Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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