I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
