I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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