check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
