im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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