you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
