last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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