Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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