we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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