Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
