I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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