It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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