So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
