Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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