3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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