What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize