I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
